"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
