thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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