So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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