He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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