it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
