I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize