Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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