Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm always down for nudity.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
