he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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