Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
