She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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