I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
