That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
