The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
