remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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