I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
