I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
