I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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