no, he came in my armpit
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
