Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
