We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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