I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
