On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
