Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
