she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
