Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
