before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
