Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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