Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The adults are the big ones right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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