I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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