Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
