Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
