Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
