And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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