I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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