I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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