He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
