Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
