Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
