Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize