I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
