Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
