you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
