Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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