just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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