he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize