My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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