i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
