remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
