i already hear my dad disowning me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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