I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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