You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
