Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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