im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
