even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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