I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
