they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
