You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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