I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
