So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
