yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
