Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize