Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
