Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
