Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
