He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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