Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
