I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
false alarm. still invincible.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
