I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You took a bar mat shot.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
