we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
