My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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