I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Alive.
So much puke
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
