Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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