Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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